Friday, June 7, 2013

Turning into Bigfoot

So what’s with all this hair on my forearms?  How do things like this just creep up on you?  And is this part of the aging process for males?  What!  Am I going to start growing hair on my chest too?  After all, I’ve spent years drinking whiskey and cavorting with bad boys in leather jackets to accomplish this kind of growth, and I'm only now becoming Mammal Boy?  Why now?  What's the science behind this, or is it witchcraft?  I’m frickin’ turning into Sasquatch.  People already comment on my big feet, and as mentioned elsewhere on this blog I have the same gait as the Bigfoot in the famous 1967 reel footage.  My eyebrows have been getting so bushy over the years that you might as well call me Officer O’Malley.  Maybe I should shear these appendages, spin the wool into yarn, and knit Der Viator sweaters.  I got a damn forest growing on my arms!