Friday, January 20, 2012

Another Goody from the Grievance Gallery

What’s with people who get on an escalator and park themselves there like a senescent tree, forcing everyone behind them to stop in their tracks?  Here’s a new rule (and you'll find it listed under the statute of Common Sense and Basic Decency): if you’re under sixty and have no physical impairment, you must move along, little doggie.  Is that asking too much?  And why not use the elevator to take your sorry ass to the next floor?  These lowlifes have consideration for nobody but the All-Consuming and All-Encompassing Self.  A bullet through their head is proper recompense, you say?  That’s a bit harsh, I suppose, but I appreciate your concern.  I for one am not taking the escalator as if it were some ride at Disneyland.  I’m going from point A to point B, and the shiny metal conveyor belt is a means to that end.  Am I missing an invisible sign or something?  One that reads: Once you set foot on the moving stairs, come to a complete halt, block traffic, and piss off those behind you who are moving with a purpose?  I guess I need new glasses.  Many a time have I been tempted to press on through, but of course by the time I would have squeezed past them—especially the obese ones—the escalator would be coming to an end.  It wouldn't be worth it.  I’d look foolish, like when someone speeds their car around you only to be stuck at the next traffic light with a sheepish grin.  Besides, I haven’t yet found a polite way to say, “Move your selfish ass, fucko, so I can get through!”  (It’s all in the intonation, I suppose.)  As George Carlin once remarked in one of his stand-up routines, “unenlightened self-interest does not impress me.”