Santa did not bring me what I want most dearly—peace on Earth. As a child, I used to be satisfied with Hot Wheels cars and Star Wars action figures. As a father, I graduated to socks and cologne. Now, above all, I want a world without pain and sorrow. You say I am asking too much? Maybe so. Maybe I'm a fool. Believe you me, I searched high and low this Christmas day for the peace that I so earnestly desired, as I’ve in fact done Christmases past. Yes, I first looked under the tree and then I took a gander up the chimney. I consulted newspapers and turned on the television. Nothing but the same old misery and wretchedness. What does Santa do up there at the North Pole all year long? Sit on his arse and stuff Christmas cookies down his pie hole?
Where did I go wrong? I mean, I hung my stockings and said my prayers. I followed protocol and made propitiation. So why can’t I get my wish? Am I too naughty? I admit that I’ve been pouting. I realize that he checks that list not just once, but twice; so I’m sure he’s aware of the situation. Still, with such attention to detail, you’d think Jolly Old Saint Nick would consider the wisdom and benefit to humankind of a world devoid of wrath and enmity. It’s my understanding that Santa Claus doesn’t care whether we’re rich or poor, for he loves everyone the same. So why not bring this gift of peace? Sometimes I wonder if Santa is absentminded or even cruel. Other times I start to doubt he’s even around. Or am I just being naughty to have such thoughts?