As this eventful year is now coming to a close, it’s fitting that I respond to your letters, a courtesy long overdue. As you know, this blog has just completed its second year, and I appreciate your loyal readership. You’ve bombarded my Outlook with your emails these past months; additionally, in the corner of my office next to the file cabinet I espy two large crates of hard-copy letters that I’ve accumulated from my Neo-Luddite friends. Why have I been so tardy, you ask? I’ve had to let most of my staff go due to downsizing and, sadly, fire a few others due to theft and sexual scandal (the two Darrens in accounting, it seems, were treating the office as if it were an extension of their bedroom!).
Let me start with Janice from Joplin, Missouri. She wants to know why blog entries were not as plentiful as in 2010, especially why there was a severe drop-off in the latter half of this year. She adds, “I appreciate your insights and am thinking of basing my life, and that of my two children, Kayla and Todd, on your sagacious teachings.” Thanks, Janice, for your query and kind words. The aforementioned issues within the Der Viator administration kept me preoccupied with workplace politics; unfortunately, I spent most of my precious downtime writing letters of termination and speaking with lawyers instead of reflecting on life’s riddles.
Bill from Boise writes succinctly, “Brilliant analysis, Der! Love the blog. Would that I possessed your intellect! Such is my lot in life, the delightful lot of all Der Viator blog readers, to sit as mere mortals before such an oracle of our time” Well, thank you, Bill, but I admit I get a bit embarrassed with such unmerited adulation. I just express my view and if others happen to think it’s brilliant, genius, the product of a razor-sharp mind, or whatever, so be it. I don't really pay heed to what people think of me.
From Austin, Texas come a few weird comments from Jenna. “Mr. Viator, you are so manly and virile. I wish you would post more photos of yourself on the blog, and all of my girlfriends agree. Hubba hubba!” Jenna, I would much rather have substantive comments on the intellectual content of this blog, but I do appreciate your good intentions to pay me a compliment.
Perhaps a few of you erroneously think that this whole “response to readers” thing is just a ploy to complement myself. Always suspicious of people’s motives, you might wonder if I’m writing these letters myself in order to have fictional fans express their high regard for my intellect, appearance, and overall charm. I’d have to be a real sicko, let alone stupid, to engage in such antics. And this next letter will prove it, for it is highly critical of me. Why would I include it here if I were a narcissistic freak?
Jerrold of Chicago expresses his disapproval. “This blog is a laughing stock! Granted, you intoxicate me with your incisive mind, keen sense of irony, and ingenious use of metaphor. Moreover, you have a sardonic wit unparalleled among today’s literati. But I’ve found not a few typos and that’s absolutely unforgivable. Clean up your act, Mr. Viator, or whatever your real name is!”
That’s about all the time I have for your letters today. I apologize that I could only address a few, but I assure you that Der Viator blog will continue to offer the same melancholic reflections you've evidently enjoyed these past two years.