People to Avoid

• Anyone who employs the word so in an expression of gratitude, as in "Thank you so much!"
• Any dude who wears Speedos, let alone thongs, with the possible exception of these two fine Aryan specimens, who strike me as exceedingly handsome and indeed a credit to their race.
• People who broadcast what they don't like with bumper stickers.
• Anybody without self-cognizance and humility.
• People who use demeaning terms of endearment like sweetheart, dear, and honey.
• People who engage in ostensible dialogue with others but who are really delivering a soliloquy.
• My uncle Willard when he's milking the cows.
• Those who see things in black and white.
• Those who see the greys in life and are indecisive and pusillanimous.
• The entire town of Harloweville, Alabama.
• People with an axe to grind, who grind their teeth at night, or who like to grind on the dance floor.
• Those with violent tendencies (who in my opinion should be taken out and shot).
• A drunkard at a bar mitzvah.
• Intolerant people.
• People who fancy themselves tolerant of all other viewpoints.
• People who talk about their ailments all the time.
• Murderers and rapists.
• That guy with an unctuous smile who seems overly friendly and who always seems to be bumping into you "by chance" in the fruit section of the grocery store.
• Any male who uses the word cute.
• Crazed warmongers and mindless pacifists.
• Someone who employs the word frickin' at the beginning of every other sentence.
• Hillbillies on a canoe trip.
• Hillbillies in general.
• Those monstrosities who wear their heart on their sleeve, are all thumbs, and, lest you think I'm being metaphorical, their face looks like a butt.
• People who use the word lest.
• Me.
• People who don't think it's funny when you make a reference to having sex with chimpanzees, even if the context and delivery made it clear that you were joking and you've since then apologized for this indiscretion over and over.
• College professors or adjuncts who use the classroom as a vehicle to propagate their partisan viewpoints and denigrate others, implicitly or explicitly.
• People with short-term memory loss, including people with short-term memory loss.
• People whose fake British accent is virtually the same as their fake Australian accent.
• Males who've read or watched Twilight on their own initiative.
• Anyone who thinks Edward is hotter than Jacob.  No way.
• Those who grab their crotch or pick their nose or who simultaneously grab their crotch and pick their nose in a public setting.
• Anyone who uses the word rectum when they really mean anus, and vice-versa.