Helping My Fellow Man

Many people ask me, “Dr. Viator, what’s your take on life? I feel that I’m struggling along and just can’t seem to get a break.” First, I tell them that that’s an excellent question to ask. I praise them, you see, so they’ll have the confidence to keep on posing such magnificent questions in the future. I read in a book or magazine somewhere that one should always take a question positively, no matter how inane, irrelevant, or imbecilic one might otherwise think it is. Then, I smile in a way that exudes genuine warmth and compassion for my fellow man and that instills in them a sense of self-worth and quiet dignity. Finally, I respond: “The most important thing you can do in this life is twofold: (1) clean your crotch and (2) give to charity. In this way you fulfill your individual and collective responsibilities to society.” It’s usually at this point in the conversation that they’re expecting me to wax eloquently about man’s moral predicament, the absurdity of the human condition, or some such profundity—and I usually deliver. Persevere, my friend, I say. Fight the good fight. Above all, follow the dictates of your inner voice and disregard the clichéd advice of pontificators, posers, and pundits.